The Pot and The Kettle

Breaking entertainment news just hit my desktop. The Kettle will be giggly when he returns home to see that the television show he loves so deeply -- Arrested Development -- is going into syndication. On the Internet:

News Corp.'s Fox Entertainment Group Inc. said Wednesday that it had sold the syndication rights to its quirky-but-canceled sitcom, "Arrested Development" to Microsoft Corp.'s MSN Internet portal.

The three-year deal marks the first time that a major Hollywood production studio has turned to the Internet for a bona-fide buyer of syndicated shows. Until now, studios have sold their reruns of shows such as "Seinfeld" or "Friends" to TV station groups and cable channels, reaping huge profits in the process.

So for those of you too cheap to buy the DVDs or sign up for Netflix, you can still get your fix of Arrested Development through Microsoft's free streams of the shows (which will include advertisements).

I was quick to congratulate Floyd Landris for winning this year's Tour de France, but now his win has come under a cloud with new accusations of doping. No one in the public knows if Landris was the doper, and God knows the doping allegations against Americans are about as true as Bill Clinton's statement that he didn't get a blow job from Monica Lewinsky, and there is much press out there now that the unidentified doping cyclist is not an American, but I wanted to be on the record, and I think the Kettle will agree, in saying that doping is bad, mkay. If you dope, then you are bad. So don't be bad by doping, mkay?

In any event, I think they should test the dopers and send the doping results on to the International Court of Sport for a hearing. Its the only solution.

If a sick and twisted New Jersey stripper had to make the news nationwide, couldn't she at look like one of the girls from the Bada Bing??

An exotic dancer who decorated her home with skulls and a severed hand has been arrested and charged with improper disposition of human remains, authorities said.

Police responding to a report Friday of a suicidal person at the home of 31-year-old Linda Kay discovered a large, crudely severed human hand in a mason jar of formaldehyde on the dresser of Kay's basement bedroom, according to the police report.

While the subject of the initial phone call was not located in the home, authorities found six skulls in an upstairs room. The Middlesex County medical examiner has determined all are human.

Wait, there's more:

Two people who knew Kay, including one who stayed at her house for about two months earlier this year, told The Star-Ledger of Newark for that the hand, which Kay nicknamed "Freddy," was a gift from a medical student who frequented the Union strip club where she dances. At the all-nude juice bar called Hott 22, Kay nurtured her Gothic persona, wearing dark costumes, heavy eyeliner, piercings and tattoos.

Freddy. Gothic stripper. All-nude juice bar. Ha!

F**cking Jersey, man.

I just came across some pictures of Jared Leto while filiming Chapter 27, a film about Mark David Chapman (played by Leto) in the days leading up to the infamous murder of Beatle John Lennon.

He's fat and bloated in the film, after putting on about 40 pounds to play a chunky Chapman. Ick!

I prefer to remember Jared pre-Chapter 27, as pictured here at the Pot and Kettle.

After suffering crushing defeats at the French Open and Wimbledon, American athletes staged a bit of a comeback today with Tiger Woods winning the British Open and Floyd Landris winning the first post-Lance Armstrong Tour de France.

Its good to see that, despite American tennis sucking the big one (aside from the Bryan brothers -- Mike mole, Bob beads), U.S. athletes can still compete abroad among the world's best.

The tight, body hugging, ass hugging yellow Adidas outfit that Sergio Garcia wore as he choked a bit in the final round of the British Open today just may be the gayest outfit worn on a course by a professional golfer.

I will admit that from the looks of it, Sergio might be able to hold his own without a shirt on -- yellow or otherwise.

With the Kettle on a jaunt through Eastern Europe for the next two weeks, anything new from the Pot and Kettle will be pure Pot. What luck!

In the Kettle's absence, I promise to post at least a few times and guarantee that they will be on the shorter side and contain no references to awards shows or womens tennis.

Here is a list of the other things I plan on doing while the Kettle is away (the Kettle LOVES lists, among other things such as t-shirts and TV):

1. Work.
2. Clean my apartment.
3. Go to Kettle's apartment, eat on the couch, leave the garbage in the can and run the air conditioning.
4. See Clerks II.
5. See My Super Ex-Girlfriend.
6. See You, Me and Dupree.

So there you have it. Enjoy the weekend, I'm off to Baltimore.

And Kettle, wherever you are today, please remember to say your pozhalusta's and spasibo's and don't forget that nyet means nyet no matter where you are.

So I recently saw The Devil Wears Prada, and although this next admission may further ostracize me from my so-called community (no love lost there, really), I did not particularly care for it. And I hope I am the first to say that Meryl Streep, while viciously funny in many early moments, a combination of her delivery and some great lines, did not blow me away as it did all the critics simply because I found her impersonating Disney's Cinderella's stepmother. If you've seen both films, take a second to reflect, it will come to you...closer.... got it? Good.
My other issues with The Devil...
1. Hey! How bout a plot? Just a teensy one is all I ask for, preferably before the last 15 minutes though. The novelty of catty one-liners just can't make a movie. There I said it. And I now believe it.
2. Was Anne Hathaway always this squeaky?
3. I still have no idea why our little Anne took the job. It did not convince me one bit that this headstrong, well-principled, would-be journalist would endure what she had to for more than 2 minutes.
4. Simon Baker's eyebrows.
5. The token gay friend has hit an all-time low.

Final Grade: C/C-

100th post!

Brandi Chastain has nothing on this guy. And while you may disagree, I think he's got more spirit and, um, maybe more package, than Cristiano Ronaldo.

Now if we could only get Scott Podsednik to take his shirt (and pants) off for the camera.

Ok, Emmy noms are tomorrow! How it snuck up on us! By the way, July 6, 2006 brings us the Emmy nominations AND the Ladies Semifinals at Wimbledon. God is shining on us today! I realize my Wimbledon picks have met with their share of laughability. I did foresee an exit for Roddick though, but given this year, a blind man saw that coming. Still, I will give it a go and some of the Emmy selections. I don't fully understand the new voting rules, but I don't think that is going to change much. It will all be familiar faces. Also, despite the Pot's insistence that I love television, I only watch Arrested Development, The Simpsons, The Office, My Name is Earl, a reluctant Lost. I can honestly say I have no idea what is going on in dramatic television these days.

Let's do drama first:
Dramatic Series:
1. Lost
2. 24
3. The West Wing
4. The Sopranos
5. Grey's Anatomy (assuming they are entered as drama. My mother insists it is a hilarious show)
Lead Actor:
1. Martin Sheen
2. Keifer Sutherland
3. James Gandolfini
4. The guy from House
5. The guy from Deadwood
No idea if Deadwood is eligible. James Spader creeps me out. I am sure he will get in here though, but I can't choose him.
Lead Actress:
1. Edie Falco
2. Allison Janey (who I loathe with the hate of a thousand hell-fires)
3. Jennifer Garner
4. Frances Conroy
5. Kyra Sedgwick
I cannot ever choose Patricia Arquette. I have more acting talent in my sleep. She is boredom, incarnate.
Supporting Actor:
1. Someone from the West Wing
2. Michael Imperioli (Sopranos' uni-brow guy)
3. Shatner!
4. Sayid
5. Someone else from WW or Sopranos
A final shout-out to Ron Rifkin, (Arvin Sloane on Alias). He has been the most frightening man on television for at least 3 out of Alias' 5 years.
Supporting Actress:
1. Sandra Oh
2. Candice Bergen
3. Jean Smart (I guess)
4. Gwyneth's mom
5. I can't even bother thinking of someone else.
Last year, my beloved Sun, from Lost, was robbed. She had nothing to do this year though, but get pregnant. I loved Lena Olin in Alias......Season Two, though. Lauren Ambrose is wonderful.

Comedy:
1. Arrested Development
2. Desperate Housewives (annoyingly)
3. The Office
4. Will and Grace
5. Scrubs
This was actually tricky, despite how horrible TV sitcoms are. W&G sucked for most of this year, but I am sure they will be here.
Lead Actor:
1. Jason Lee
2. Steve Carell
3. Jason Bateman
4. Zach Braff
5. Tony Shaloub
If Charlie Sheen gets in here, I will be mad. Eric McCormack's gift is the W&G in comedy series.
Lead Actress:
1. Marcia Cross
2. Felicity Huffmann
3. Mary Louise Parker
4. Julia Louis Dreyfuss
5. Lauren Graham (if we talk about it enough, will it actually happen?) I dont even watch the Golden Gilmore Girls.
I couldn't be more over lopsided face Teri Hatcher.
Tori Spelling actually has a shot?
Supporting Actor:
1. George Bluth Sr.
2. GOB Bluth
3. Buster Bluth
4. George Michael Bluth
5. Tobias Funke
If they were going on talent, this would be the most formidable lineup. Sadly here's how I see it:
1. Sean Hayes
2. Jeffrey Tambor
3. Will Arnett (the break-out AD)
4. Rainn Wilson (Dwight! Even if I find Jim much funier)
5. Jon Cryer
(poor Sass!)
Supporting Actress:
1. Jessica Walter
2. Megan Mullaly
3. Jaimie Pressley
4. Nicolette Sheridan
5. Jenna Fischer (Pam!)

One day Portia DeLicious

Ok, I will be 88% wrong.

I can be cynical. I know it. If you are fortunate enough to know me, you know it, too. But I can surprise you when you least expect it! Case in point.... I love the 4th of July! And not just because it is usually accompanied by an incredible Macy*s One Day Spectacular Sale, and a good head start on an impressive summer tan! I am not particularly patriotic, but Bar-B-Q's, little kids, and fireworks can warm anyone's heart, especially that little kid who commented on the fireworks, "They are so loud, they are making my shirt rattle!" This is the same kid who also thought he saw a face appear in the fireworks. God bless him.

But the biggest reason why I love Independence Day is that I love the National Anthem. It really is a tremendous song. Considering if I were living in colonial times, I totally would have been a Revolutionary War deserter, I think this is significant. A good singing of it can give me goosebumps and make me teary. The song embodies a truly inspiring little tale. Anyway, I only watch the Superbowl to see the singing of the National Anthem. A person who sings it, is given the opportunity to really achieve greatness, but it is absolutely a make or break moment. More often than not, the singing of it is either amazing or horrendous (Patti LaBelle, anyone?) I am just interested in that one shining moment. A singer and a microphone. Will he or she nail it? Do too much? Ruin it completely? Or strike that perfect balance and achieve immortality? This is getting to be a bit much.

Top 5:
5. James Taylor and his son
4. Beyonce
3. Cher
2. Josh Groban
1. Whitney (of course)
Unfortunately, there really aren't too many really great ones out there.