Friday, August 17, 2007

Stealing Winona Ryder

A funny thing happened at the grocery store. Now, if you know me, as none of you do, you know that I never ever have a smooth, tension-free trip to the grocery store. I am like a Greek tragic hero, whom the gods have cursed to always have horrendous experiences there. You may remember my post, "The Kettle Goes to ShopRite...Trouble Usually Follows." So one of my latest trips to the grocer was accordingly not without event.

As always, I managed to pick the slowest, most backwards lane ever. At the end of my lane happened to be the little on-sale DVD's. Perused I did, and I found the last copy of majestic film The Age of Innocence, book by Edith Wharton. Did I really need to own this movie though? I weighed my options. One, Winona Ryder is fantastic, and robbed of her Oscar by the elfin Piano girl. Two, and more importantly is the fact that I would love to one day teach the text and for that, as any good teacher will tell you, a movie is essential! ;-) And the movie was only $9.99! What a steal! (keep reading)

So I put the movie in my cart, in the little seat for crying babies, painfully waited to get through the line and went out to my car. Cut to my cute little kitchen, and me unpacking groceries, I thought, "Where is The Age of Innocence?" It was nowhere to be found. And as I thought about it more, I remembered that I never took it from the cart onto the conveyor belt and my total was much too low to have included a 9.99 movie. Verdict: Stolen movie!

So now I was really interested, as you cannot comprehend the excitement I felt at having stolen a Winona Ryder movie. I wished, right then and there, that I was overmedicated on prescription pills. I wished I could say, "But I am playing a thief in my next movie, and this is research!" I wished I could have plead to the authorities, "I thought I paid for that." And he would have retorted, "Not quite the age of innocence." (wink wink/nudge nudge). There were just so many exciting things to think of and say.

Anyhow, the story isn't as exciting as the thievery would suggest. It wasn't in any of my bags. It definitely wasn't on my receipt (HA!). So I had to assume it was still in the shopping cart, the shopping cart which I meticulously, in accordance with the rules and like a good civilian, returned to the Shopping Cart Drop Off, and didn't horrendously prop up against the curb like a selfish person who was not raised properly.

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