Friday, March 03, 2006

2 Days til Oscar

So everyone is doing The Best of, so I will be doing The Worst. Here are The Worst Movies I Actually Paid Money To See, 2005. I was thinking of calling this The Worst Movies Thad Got Good Revies, but not all of them were positively received. Can you spot the one with middling reviews? If you want to know what were my fave movies of the year, it would just repeat the movies of the actors and actresses in my past two posts. Sans one film. Which one?

This one.

#5 Narnia. Granted Tilda was awesome and even younger brother Edmund was enjoyable. But this was movie was a mess. Tried to be The Lord of the Rings. Failed miserably. Talking lions are only tolerable for so long. Ugly children are tolerable even less. I never wanted the bad guys to obliterate the good and righteous ones so badly.

#4 Howl's Moving Castle
I remember I was painfully tired when I saw this. I almost left because I was going to fall asleep, which was a combination of being tired and Howl being a poor movie. Normally, I am fan of Japanimation. Princess Mononoke? See it. Best thing about Howl? "Stroll Through the Sky" on its Soundtrack. Trust me. It is glorious. I am terribly upset I don't know how to link it. First 15 minutes are fun; then the movie is too surreal for its own good.

#3 King Kong
Who was giving this movie rave reviews? The dialogue was laughable. Really. I actually laughed. Jack Black? He sold out and then he sold out again, and again, and again. I never wanted someone in a movie to die so much as I wanted Kong. It seemed like he was on top of that Empire State Building for an hour! Oh wait, he was. And next time, don't obviously steal so much from Jurassic Park. We get it, dinosaurs are nasty buggers. Naomi Watts? Let's keep her out of pictures from now on, k? Jessica Lange, she is not.

#2 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I know the Pot kinda liked Grandma Georgina and she did have some zingers for a crazy old bird. But this movie was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Tim Burton is an egomaniac for making this and thinking he got it more right than the original. I read the book, and although the Wonka factory was a freak show, the book was not, and therefore the movie, should not have been. Here is Violet Beuregarde and here is Veruca Salt.

#1 Bewitched. I think I will leave it at that. It wasn't my choice, tho.

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