Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Some advice for Cee'mour

In hopes that the next 12-months of Paradise Follies doesn't totally suck, the Kettle and me think it imperative to offer the 2006 Miss Paradise, Cee'mour Cox, a few words of advice:

1) Keep Victoria Stiles as far away from Asbury Park as you can.

2) Invite Cherry Pie to guest host once a month.

3) Don't get full of yourself. Ok, its arguably an honor to be Paradise's queen for a year. But you aren't Madonna. You aren't Cher. You aren't even the girl who got kicked off on American Idol in round one. You are a drag queen in New Jersey. Have fun with who you are Cee!

4) You don't have a 12-inch dick, so don't act like you do and don't constantly tell everyone that you do.

5) Stay away from props (i.e., sandwiches, dildos and scooters).

6) Stop asking where all the alcoholics are. Its annoying.

7) Don't take people's clothes off (unless they are REALLY hot).

8) The tiny floor you dance on is not a grand stage. This isn't Broadway. You aren't Mel Brooks in "To be or not to be." People can walk in front of you to go to the bar and get a drink. Don't chastise people when they do.

9) Girl, close that mouth when you dance!

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